Memorandum from a child

 

A MEMORANDUM FROM YOUR CHILD

 

1. SET LIMITS FOR ME-

 

      I know very well I shouldn’t have all that I ask for. I’m only testing you, which is part of my job. I need a parent, not just a pal.

 

2. BE FIRM WITH ME

 

I prefer it. It lets me know where I stand.

 

3.  LEAD ME RATHER THAN FORCE ME.

 

If you force me, I learn that power is what really counts. I’ll respond much better to being led.

                         

4.   BE CONSISTENT

     

If you’re not, it confuses me, and makes me try harder to get away with everything I can.

 

5.  MAKE PROMISES THAT YOU CAN KEEP, AND KEEP THE PROMISES YOU MAKE

 

That grows my trust in you.

 

6.  KNOW THAT I’M JUST BEING PROVOCATIVE

           

When I say and do things to upset you. If you fall my provocations, I’ll try for more such victories.

 

 7.  STAY CALM WHEN I SAY “I HATE YOU”

 

            I don’t really mean it. I just want you to feel sorry for what you have done to me. 

 

8. HELP ME FEEL BIG RATHER THAN SMALL.

 

When I feel little, I need to act like a whiney cripple.

 

9. LET ME DO THE THINGS I CAN DO FOR MYSELF.

     

You are doing them for me makes me feel like a baby- and I may keep putting you in my service.

 

 

 

 

10.  CORRECT ME IN PRIVATE.

           

I can hear you better if you talk quietly with me alone, rather than with other people present.

 

11.  TALK ABOUT MY BEHAVIOR WHEN OUR CONFLICTS HAS GONE DOWN.

           

In the heat of battle somehow my listening gets bad, and my cooperation is even worse. It’s OK for you to take the actions needed, but let’s not talk about it until we calm down.

 

12.  TALK WITH ME RATHER THAN PREACH AT ME

           

Well I know what is right and wrong. I need to have my feelings and ideas respected just like you- so please listen to them.

 

13. TELL ME OF YOUR ANGER AT MY ACTIONS WITHOUT NAME –CALLING

     

If you call me “stupid” or “clumsy” to often I’ll start to believe that.  Help me learn how to handle anger without harming.

 

14.  HELP ME FEEL THAT MY MISTAKES ARE NOT SINS.

           

I need to learn from my errors, without feeling that I’m not good.

 

15. TALK FIRMLY WITHOUT NAGGING.

           

If you nag over and over, I’ll protect myself by growing deaf.

 

16. LET MY WRONG BEHAVIOR GO WITHOUT DEMANDING BIG EXPLAINATION

           

Often, I really do not know why I did it.

 

17. ACCEPT AS MUCH AS YOU CAN WHAT I’M ABLE TO TELL YOU.

     

      I’m scared into lying if my honesty is taxed too much.

 

18. WHEN YOU TEACH ME THINGS, PLEASE KEEP IT SIMPLE.

     

      If you use big words or get into long confusing explanations, my mind goes somewhere else.

 

ENJOY ME! I HAVE A LOT TO OFFER YOU!

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