A MEMORANDUM FROM YOUR CHILD

1. SET LIMITS FOR ME-

      I know very well I shouldn’t have all that I ask for. I’m only testing you, which is part of my job. I need a parent, not just a pal.

2. BE FIRM WITH ME

I prefer it. It lets me know where I stand.

3.  LEAD ME RATHER THAN FORCE ME.

If you force me, I learn that power is what really counts. I’ll respond much better to being led.

4.   BE CONSISTENT

If you’re not, it confuses me, and makes me try harder to get away with everything I can.

5.  MAKE PROMISES THAT YOU CAN KEEP, AND KEEP THE PROMISES YOU MAKE

That grows my trust in you.

6.  KNOW THAT I’M JUST BEING PROVOCATIVE

When I say and do things to upset you. If you fall my provocations, I’ll try for more such victories.

 7.  STAY CALM WHEN I SAY “I HATE YOU”

            I don’t really mean it. I just want you to feel sorry for what you have done to me. 

8. HELP ME FEEL BIG RATHER THAN SMALL.

When I feel little, I need to act like a whiney cripple.

9. LET ME DO THE THINGS I CAN DO FOR MYSELF.

You are doing them for me makes me feel like a baby- and I may keep putting you in my service.

10.  CORRECT ME IN PRIVATE.

I can hear you better if you talk quietly with me alone, rather than with other people present.

11.  TALK ABOUT MY BEHAVIOR WHEN OUR CONFLICTS HAS GONE DOWN.

In the heat of battle somehow my listening gets bad, and my cooperation is even worse. It’s OK for you to take the actions needed, but let’s not talk about it until we calm down.

12.  TALK WITH ME RATHER THAN PREACH AT ME

Well I know what is right and wrong. I need to have my feelings and ideas respected just like you- so please listen to them.

13. TELL ME OF YOUR ANGER AT MY ACTIONS WITHOUT NAME –CALLING

If you call me “stupid” or “clumsy” to often I’ll start to believe that.  Help me learn how to handle anger without harming.

14.  HELP ME FEEL THAT MY MISTAKES ARE NOT SINS.

I need to learn from my errors, without feeling that I’m not good.

15. TALK FIRMLY WITHOUT NAGGING.

If you nag over and over, I’ll protect myself by growing deaf.

16. LET MY WRONG BEHAVIOR GO WITHOUT DEMANDING BIG EXPLAINATION

Often, I really do not know why I did it.

17. ACCEPT AS MUCH AS YOU CAN WHAT I’M ABLE TO TELL YOU.

      I’m scared into lying if my honesty is taxed too much.

18. WHEN YOU TEACH ME THINGS, PLEASE KEEP IT SIMPLE.

      If you use big words or get into long confusing explanations, my mind goes somewhere else.

ENJOY ME! I HAVE A LOT TO OFFER YOU!

EKR stage: Interpretation

1 – Denial:Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, reality, etc., relating to the situation concerned. It’s a defence mechanism and perfectly natural. Some people can become locked in this stage when dealing with a traumatic change that can be ignored. Death of course is not particularly easy to avoid or evade indefinitely.

2 – Anger: Anger can manifest in different ways. People dealing with emotional upset can be angry with themselves, and/or with others, especially those close to them. Knowing this helps keep detached and non-judgemental when experiencing the anger of someone who is very upset.

3 – Bargaining : Traditionally the bargaining stage for people facing death can involve attempting to bargain with whatever God the person believes in. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or seek to negotiate a compromise. For example “Can we still be friends?..” when facing a break-up. Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution, especially if it’s a matter of life or death.

4- Depression: Also referred to as preparatory grieving. In a way it’s the dress rehearsal or the practice run for the ‘aftermath’ although this stage means different things depending on whom it involves. It’s a sort of acceptance with emotional attachment. It’s natural to feel sadness and regret, fear, uncertainty, etc. It shows that the person has at least begun to accept the reality.

5 – Acceptance : Again this stage definitely varies according to the person’s situation, although broadly it is an indication that there is some emotional detachment and objectivity. People dying can enter this stage a long time before the people they leave behind, who must necessarily pass through their own individual stages of dealing with the grief.

ABC’s of Stress

The ABC’S of Stress Signs and Symptoms

The ABC’s of Stress Management

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]]> http://pakigbisog.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/my-pic-2/feed/ 2 coring http://pakigbisog.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/how-to-detect-cheating-wifes-or-girlfriend/ http://pakigbisog.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/how-to-detect-cheating-wifes-or-girlfriend/#comments Thu, 18 Oct 2007 00:08:02 +0000 tokoy http://pakigbisog.wordpress.com/2007/10/18/how-to-detect-cheating-wifes-or-girlfriend/ ]]> Women often follow a common pattern in relationships that leads to cheating wives.

She meets a man and falls in love.
She marries or moves in with the man and gets, or tries to get, a commitment.
Normal problems occur.
She becomes angry and resentful, blaming her partner for all problems.
She loses interest in sex.
She is attracted to someone else.
She begins to cheat or commit adultery.
She requests time away from the marital relationship.
After a period of time, she ends the marriage or relationship.

Most men never suspect their wife of cheating or committing marital infidelity because of the woman’s disinterest in sex and the fact that he believes her to be “moral” (i.e.; faithful).  For many men discovering a cheating wife shocks them to the core.  This pattern is likely to continue as research shows that nearly as many women as men cheat or commit adultery.  Over 70% of women are instigators in divorce.  Why does this pattern occur?

According to research, many beliefs about women’s sexuality are wrong.  Apparently, neither women nor men understand why women cheat or how to avoid it.  Why, then, does marital infidelity happen?  One reason may be that women, who have been in a relationship for a few years, experience a pre-midlife crisis, a crisis of boredom and unfulfilled expectations of marriage that often leads to a search for a solution.  Unfortunately, many women blame their husbands for the crisis and think that another man is the solution.  An affair ensues, often leading to divorce.  This is not the only reason why wives cheat, but it is a major one, along with marrying too young, marrying someone the opposite in personality and life goals, and men’s midlife crises.  Research continues on ways for women to avoid the pre-midlife crisis and the cheating that may follow.

Signs of a Cheating Wife or Girlfriend

Here are some of the most common signs of a cheating wife or girlfriend.

1.  She is emotionally distant.
2.  She buys new underwear and/or clothes.
3.  She sets up a new, secret e-mail account.
4.  She goes out “with the girls” and comes home hours later.
5.  Her husband finds birth-control pills in the medicine cabinet and he has had a vasectomy.
6.  She sets up a secret, cell phone account, billed to her office or a secret credit card.
7.  She joins a gym.
8.  The toilet seat is up when her husband comes home.
9.  She loses her wedding ring or “it wears through.”
10.  She deletes all incoming phone calls from caller ID, the phone message machine, her cell messages, and her e-mail.
11.  She becomes suspicious of her husband, due to her own guilt.
12.  She asks what he would do if she “died.”
13.  She takes the car seat and kids’ toys out of her car.
14.  She has hickies or bruises on her neck or arms.
15.  She stops having sex with her husband for a ridiculous reason.
16.  She starts fights to get out of the house and “go to Linda’s” or the mall.
17.  She took a day off, but didn’t tell her husband.
18.  Her colleagues are uncomfortable around her husband.
19.  She’s on the computer a lot after her husband goes to bed.
20.  She’s away from home, overnight.
21.  Her husband finds small items he didn’t give her.
22.  She’s nervous, irritable, and loses her temper often.
23.  Telephone callers hang up when her husband answers.
24.  She stops paying close attention to events in the family.
25.  Intuition (gut feeling) tells her husband something’s wrong.
26.  Her attitude towards everyone changes.
27.  She speaks very softly on the phone or hangs up quickly.
28.  She is “glowing.”
29.  She’s disorganized.
30.  She sleeps with her purse beside the bed.
31.  She criticizes her husband to others.
32.  The telltale sign of a cheating wife is having to ask if she’s cheating.

Use these possible reasons and signs of a cheating wife to be aware of what is happening in the marriage, possibly adultery or infidelity.  Perhaps, the marriage can be saved and much heartache avoided.

How?

1. Paghatag og bili o importansya nga walay kondisyon( Unconditional Positive Regards)
a. Mainiton nga pagdawat og pagpaminaw, dili mangita dayon ug sayop, dili maghukom;

b. Magsalig sa katakos sa counsellee mahitungod sa pagbag-o

c. Timbang-timbangon ang gisulti sa counsellee

2. Pakigbati ( EMPTHY)

a. Musulod sa kinahiladman sa counselee;

b. Batiun ang gibati sa counsellee

3. Pagkamatinud- anun ( CONGRUENCE)

a. Pagkamatinud anun sa gibati sa counsellee;

b. kinahanglan nga dili mawala sa kaugalingon ang counselor bisan nga nakigduyog siya sa gibati sa counsellee( control emotional involvement)

THE COUNSELING PROCESS

I. Establishment of rapport( Pagpahiluna)

Tagaan ang counsellee ug panahon nga mahimong komportabli ug gaan ang kaugalingon aron maatabangan siya sa pag-abli.

II. Catharsis( Pagpagawas sa kahigwaos) and Ventilation ( Sakit sa kabubot-on)

Kini ang higayon nga tabangan ang counselee nga maipagawas ang mga suliran nga gidala aron magaan-gaan ang iyang dughan. Kung lawom kaayo ang suliran o kaha nagkapatong-patong na,kini muabot og daghang session ,kini pud ang tagaan og taas nga ana-ang.

III. Metanoia ( Pagpatin-aw sa Panlantaw)

IV. Pagbag-o sa direksyon

V. Tasking( Paghimo sa Tumong)

VI. Acting( Paghimo)

COUNSELOR-COUNSELLEE CONTRACT OF AGREEMENT
Consider the way you might contract to work with a client,how you introduce or explain .

1. Your self

2. What counselling is all about.

3. The Boundaries of confidentiality

4. The duration and frequency of session

5. What you expect of your client ( re: cancell appointments,etc.)

6 . Any procedure relating to above

7. any Additional matters that you think are important

With the wide range of social welfare programs available, many social workers are finding themselves working with the community in an assortment of diverse settings. From the physical and mental health services, to their invaluable contributions through their work with the ministry, the social worker has been granted the ability to help rebuild and maintain the lives of those individuals who require their services.

As explained in the social workers code of ethics (1994) “The profession of social work is founded on humanitarian and egalitarian ideals. Social workers believe in the intrinsic worth and dignity of every human being and are committed to the values of acceptance, self-determination and respect of individuality. They believe in the obligation of all people, individually and collectively, to provide resources, services and opportunities for the overall benefit of humanity.” Though their work they are able to assess, aid and prevent social problems for those in the community through direct and indirect involvement.

        Social work is an exciting, demanding and immensely rewarding profession. It requires uncommon dedication to strive for social reform. The world needs people who are committed to the needs of others. Social workers attend to those in distress and identify and remedy the social ill that rob people of their dignity and prevent them from achieving their full potential. Social work is a profession for those with a strong desire to improve peoples lives. Social workers help people function the best way they can in their environment, deal with their relationships, and solve p personal and family problem rang .ms. Social workers have many different aspects of their jobs including the duties and responsibilities involved, employment and salarySocial work is a profession for those who desire to help improve people’s lives. Social workers often see clients who face a life-threatening disease or a social problem. These problems may include inadequate housing, unemployment, lack of job skills, financial distress, serious illness or disability, substance abuse, unwanted pregnancy, or anti-social behavior. Social workers also assist families that have serious domestic conflicts, including those with child or abuse from a spouse.